So here I am. 40 weeks and 6 days. Larger than ever. Bryan says I've doubled my thickness. Pretty good, huh?
The last two weeks have been harder than the last five months, though. Expecting to have a baby at any time... never actually having a baby at any of those times...
It really could be worse. Some people want a baby as bad as I want mine, but they aren't getting one tomorrow.
Some people are afraid of being pregnant while still having to take care of another child. It hasn't been too bad. If I slept when she slept, and just did the bare minimum (sorry, Bryan), I got through the worst days. Today we went to the library, and it was the first time I felt like I couldn't handle Heidi as well as I wanted to. She was tired and cranky and wanted to pull books off the shelf and throw them on the floor. I wanted to sit down and watch her play nicely with the other kids. Up until now, though, we did pretty well together. I can still lift her and outrun her and wait out her tantrums. (Heidi? Tantrums? Oddly enough, only with me or Bryan... But what I have learned about tantrums is this. When Heidi throws a tantrum and I don't give in, I gain some ground. She is more likely to do what I say next time. Usually the tantrums are at home when she can be as loud as she wants. But if they are at the store, it's still not a big deal. I just wait patiently for her to finish. When you see another kid's tantrum in the store the worst part is when the parent loses control too. So I do my best to keep my voice soft and my face neutral. It makes me feel better, at least.)
This morning I was doing some work around the house, letting Heidi play by herself. And then I thought... is this really how I want to spend our last day alone together? So we went to Arby's and then Storytime at the library. So fun.
So how is hypnobabies coming? I think it's going to be good. At my last appointment, I used my hypnosis techniques for an uncomfortable procedure, and it was uncomfortable but not as painful as I thought it should be. The doctor and nurse joked that I went to my happy place because I closed my eyes and didn't wince. I smiled because... they were right. I'm sure I'll get some more comments in the hospital tomorrow. That's probably okay. I just want to know what childbirth with hypnosis is like.
Bryan has been loving life ever since our hypnobabies class ended. We made a deal... I wouldn't make him practice with me any more as long as he helped me during the birth.
So I will post again after tomorrow about how hypnobabies worked. I think it's going to be nice. It feels delightful to relax so deeply.
And I'll post when I know the gender! Not knowing has been getting annoying. I STILL don't know whether to say he or she. Some people say the moment when you find out what you have is SO epic and worth it. It better be...
This has been a summer of waiting. Waiting for the baby, waiting to know if it is a boy or a girl, waiting to hear back about Bryan's jobs... And the secret to waiting is to not wait. I've had to just throw myself into project after project. Also- I can choose how happy to be. I can choose to worry about Bryan's job, or I can choose to not worry. I can choose to go crazy waiting for a baby, or not. We have more control than we think we do.
Anyway, there you have it. Baby pictures to come!
