So following this introduction will be three versions of my birth story. The first one is for people who care about me but not so much about birth. The second one includes interesting, yet benign, details. The third will contain anatomical terms and Hypnobabies details. You've been warned.
Birth Story #1
It's a boy!
That's it. But go ahead and keep reading; there's nothing too graphic in the next story.
That's it. But go ahead and keep reading; there's nothing too graphic in the next story.
Birth Story #2
They told me my baby would come on July 4th. July 4th came and went, as did July 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th. My doctor induced me on the 11th. It was an odd experience, knowing exactly when I was going to have a baby.
I got to the hospital early in the morning. They checked me in and started my IV and Pitocin. My nurse said that since this was my second birth, and I was planning on going natural, we'd have a baby here pretty quickly. However, it went more slowly than expected, taking eleven hours total.
I didn't find out the gender until my baby was born. And... it was epic. It really stunk in the last few weeks, though. I was upset that I was going to have a baby at any moment but I STILL DIDN'T KNOW WHICH PRONOUN TO USE! I was ready to swear off the whole gender-surprise thing. I was ready to swear a lot of things. However, each time I expressed my complaints to others, I'd say, "It just better be epic..." And, my friends, it was epic. So much excitement in the room. So much more excitement than in an ultrasound room. The doctor said he'd pull the baby out quickly and show Bryan and let him announce it. That was a wonderful experience. Sorry, Mom, but I think I'm hooked.
And what about Hypnobabies? I really liked hypnosis. I think that if I had practiced more, and maybe had one of those (possibly creepy) Hypno-doulas, I would have had Peter naturally. (Sort of naturally... as natural as you get while being induced in a hospital.) I got most of the way, and then didn't feel like trying so hard anymore.
I think natural birth is kind of like running a marathon. Everyone has errands that are at least 26.2 miles away. Some people choose to run to their destination as fast as they can. Others choose to drive or walk. All moms give birth, some choose to do it the hard way. There's a certain joy in having done something hard. But there is also a certain joy in having avoided something hard. An "unnatural" birth is still a wonderful, interesting, life changing experience.
Okay, now would be a good place for most of you to stop reading.
Birth Story #3
Are you sure? Okay, here we go. Remember, if you become scarred for life, it's your own fault.
A year and a half ago, my friend and I had our babies within six hours of each other. (I had mine first, thank you very much.) When we were talking about our experiences over many, many walks, she told me about Hypnobabies. I was interested, because I didn't like the feeling of my epidural. It was scary getting it placed, and then it was cold, and I couldn't move. I had to call my nurse in order to roll over. So awkward. I had to keep the monitors on my tummy and I got a catheter. And after my baby was born, I couldn't walk for hours.
The premise of Hypnobabies is to surround the mom with positive messages and information so she is expecting a wonderful experience and so she is relaxed. Being tense and fearful slows down birth and causes pain. In addition to the positive messages, they teach you how to hypnotize yourself so you actually can choose not to feel pain. I tried it several times before the birth, and I found I could get rid of smaller pregnancy pains.
A year and a half ago, my friend and I had our babies within six hours of each other. (I had mine first, thank you very much.) When we were talking about our experiences over many, many walks, she told me about Hypnobabies. I was interested, because I didn't like the feeling of my epidural. It was scary getting it placed, and then it was cold, and I couldn't move. I had to call my nurse in order to roll over. So awkward. I had to keep the monitors on my tummy and I got a catheter. And after my baby was born, I couldn't walk for hours.
The premise of Hypnobabies is to surround the mom with positive messages and information so she is expecting a wonderful experience and so she is relaxed. Being tense and fearful slows down birth and causes pain. In addition to the positive messages, they teach you how to hypnotize yourself so you actually can choose not to feel pain. I tried it several times before the birth, and I found I could get rid of smaller pregnancy pains.
I was confident it would work. I didn't do all of my homework, though. I was always so tired, and I would just fall asleep when I was supposed to be practicing hypnosis. They said that was okay, that "my inner mind is always listening," but they said to try not to fall asleep. Looking back, falling asleep while listening would have been better than not listening at all. Besides, relaxing in my happy place would have done me some good.
The last few weeks of pregnancy were pretty terrible. Any amount of walking would cause contractions. I was not progressing. My tummy itched. I had no energy to do anything, so both Bryan and I (and probably Heidi) thought I was a lazy bum who would never amount to anything.
But we had to go to Hypnobabies class, which Bryan disliked. Bryan is all about checking things off his to-do list. But for three hours every Saturday, and for half an hour every other day, he wasn't allowed to check things off his list. He just had to sit around and watch me relax. In addition to feeling like he was getting nothing done, he had to hear about birth, which he didn't really even want to do the first time around. Now it's the second time around; he knows everything he needs to know, but still has to listen. On top of the general birth information is the hypnosis. He had to read things to me like, "Your eyelids are getting so heavy now. So limp and lazy. They are so relaxed that they don't even want to open. Try them. Good..." "Think of your cervix like a soft, gold ring. It is as soft as melting butter..." "Imagine your body as see through, and see the hypno-anesthesia traveling in front of your baby's head..."
Those suggestions are extremely helpful, but they aren't too fun to read out loud. I think next time we'll hire a doula to do all the hypnosis suggestions and positioning. That way I can do all the imaging-my-body-as-see-through as I'd like, and Bryan can check off as many things off his to-do list as he likes.
So it was a hard several weeks to wait. We had a very long conversation in Hypnobabies class about "guess dates" and patience and our babies being born on their birthdays. I should have listened, but I didn't. Every evening for the last few weeks I had several pretty strong, regular contractions that were close together. I would get excited and time them, or clean up the house for the babysitters, and then they would stop. Very frustrating.
Hypnobabies tried its best to avoid that frustration. I was supposed to listen to a CD every day that said things like, "Pregnancy is natural, normal, healthy, and safe for me and my baby." "I accept my pregnant body every day." "I will have a wonderful, joyful birthing." "My baby will be born at the perfect time."
I really liked Hypnobabies. I enjoy gathering new information and perspectives about birth. Natural birth and related topics fascinate me. Also, hypnosis felt really nice.
Childbirth did not feel really nice. I've never gone into labor on my own. (Heidi was induced because of a liver problem I had, and Peter was induced for post-term... ness. My doctor figured I'd probably have to be induced sooner or later, and babies after 41 weeks don't handle inductions as well.) I don't know how much more painful induction is, if it is. But my labor was pretty painful. It didn't start that way, so I kind of got complacent with my hypnosis. I would come out of it (which I wasn't supposed to do) to answer the nurses' questions, to joke with Bryan, even to watch a movie. (I was supposed to go into a different state of hypnosis to talk or move).
As contractions got stronger, I used some of my techniques and did great for a while. I would go limp just like I was supposed to. My nurse said she was hopeful for me because I didn't look like I was in pain at all. I looked like one of those girls in the birth videos on YouTube that they just lay there for a while, and then they suddenly give birth. You think they're sleeping, but then there's a baby there.
As contractions got stronger, I used some of my techniques and did great for a while. I would go limp just like I was supposed to. My nurse said she was hopeful for me because I didn't look like I was in pain at all. I looked like one of those girls in the birth videos on YouTube that they just lay there for a while, and then they suddenly give birth. You think they're sleeping, but then there's a baby there.
I had one particularly strong contraction and my cervix started bleeding. There was a lot of blood. I could feel it and it freaked me out. I'm sure it was normal... probably. But I didn't know it would happen. And then I was stressed about keeping the towel under me at all times to catch the blood, which was difficult when I was trying to move around. Moving around was also hard because I had less and less strength as I got hungrier and hungrier. I was a sad Holly.
I got to a place where I was just barely dealing with contractions. I would imagine my baby creating anesthesia, I would imagine him or her saying, "I love you, Mommy!", I counted down from 10 and relaxed more and more for each number. It was getting harder and harder. Finally I remembered I could make the pain stop... and I didn't want to keep doing it on my own.
Bryan, the sweetheart, said he would support me no matter what, even though he had just paid for and sat through an entire six week natural childbirth class. So we called in the anesthesiologist. Bryan said I was a grump to the doctor and didn't follow his instructions.
But soon I was feeling so much better. It was scary and cold just like last time, but at least I could be comfortable without focusing all my energy on it.
One of my fears was going #2 right there in bed. I was afraid that I'd get up to go, and have the baby in the bathroom. Terrible outcome. The other option was to willfully go right there in bed. Equally terrible? YES!! But I ended up not having to worry... When my baby descended, he just kind of pushed it out for me... and it wasn't my fault so I didn't have to feel guilty. So there you go, ladies. If you feel it coming, you don't have to do anything. It'll just sort of come out eventually on its own. And they really are used to cleaning up that sort of thing. Apparently half of all women go #2 on the table. I did, so that's better odds for you.
You're welcome.
Anyway, at 5:00 the nurse checks me and I am complete! Such a happy feeling. She says she's going to get the doctor. (She had the room all ready for delivery hours ago, because, once again, I was supposed to have had a baby by 2:00.) With each contraction I felt the baby getting lower and lower. I was so concerned... I didn't know how far there was to go, and the baby was really low. Really really low. It was such an interesting feeling. I didn't feel Heidi descend, and there was a lot going on so I didn't even think about it. But I felt Peter descend. It was an interesting feeling, but also a very concerning feeling because it was just Bryan and me in the room.
Anyway, the doctor came and we got the baby here. One of the arguments for going natural is that the woman wants to have her baby in peace, joy, and harmony. In my opinion, I did, because of my epidural. I wasn't feeling too much peace, joy or harmony before it. I think if I had done my part better, I wouldn't have wanted an epidural. But I didn't, and so I did. I had a 2nd degree tear, and so when the doctor stitched me up and I didn't feel a thing. So happy about that.
I got an episiotomy with Heidi, and it was painful. I didn't sit down without my donut for three weeks. But the tear with Peter was so much less painful. I only wanted my donut during long car rides. This is not to say it's better to tear (although some do say that). It's impossible to know whether it is better to tear or be cut. But, my experience was that the tear was less painful. It's possible that the tear is healing less well than the cut... who knows. I want to stop talking about this.
I cut Peter's umbilical cord. It wasn't as epic as I thought it would be. I thought it would be kind of like holding Peter up on Pride Rock, showing him to the inhabitants of the world, which of course would all be present. I would hold him up, cut the cord, and say, "You're your own man now! No longer part of your mother, but your own person! Go forth, son!" and then I would let theme music play.
Nope. I just cut something.
The epic part was holding a squirmy, purple, gooey little person on my tummy and being so happy. During pregnancy, I envisioned a vague "baby" concept in there with a sort of pinkish hue and fuzzy edges. But out came a perfectly detailed, completely functioning, human man child.
While I was snuggling my gooey boy, I noticed I was leaking colostrum, so I started Peter nursing immediately. I felt like super mom. No one had to tell me how or what to do. The research suggests that immediate nursing is important and beneficial, and I did it! It was awesome. Peter got his colostrum those few days in the hospital, and he would nurse for 15 minutes every 3-4 hours. He had plenty of wet and messy diapers, and once again, I felt like super mom.
I healed up really quickly. They say the recovery for second babies is much easier, and I found that to be true. When Heidi was born, I made Bryan get up and get me things that were just across the room. If Bryan wasn't there, I would call in a nurse for similar errands. When I went home, I was really embarrassed about that, and I decided that I would get everything myself next time. And I did. I kept my room tidy, I put my own DVD in, I filled up my own water bottle, and I packed up my own things when I was ready to go. Super mom.
I didn't escape the Week One of Breastfeeding "joys," though. Even though I know how to get a baby to latch on, and I know the consequences of letting the baby nurse on a bad latch, I still had very sore nipples. Afterbirth pains were pretty terrible as well. Apparently after pains are worse with second and subsequent babies. I think keeping up with my pain medication would have helped. When I was allowed to take more painkillers, I wouldn't right away because I didn't need any then. But then Peter would get hungry, and I would get so sad.
I feel like I'm whining, by telling you all the things that hurt. And I feel like I'm making you worry unnecessarily by communicating that WHEN YOU GIVE BIRTH YOU WILL FEEL PAIN! Hypnobabies would not approve. In my opinion, it is much easier to go through these things than think about going through them or hear about going through them. So, no worries for you.
But Hypnobabies would still not approve. We were supposed to use different words. "Pressure" or "discomfort" instead of pain. You're never supposed to talk about pain. We said "birthing wave" or "pressure wave" instead of "contraction" and "in my birthing time" instead of "in labor." I have given up on that, just because it was always awkward, but now it won't help me any more. It helped me think more positively before the birth and before my next birth, I'll start using those words again. Until then, I'll use normal words.
We had Peter circumcised, just because we thought that was the normal option. It was a terrible, terrible procedure. So nasty.
Peter was all ready when I got there. They have these little plastic molds, just the size of a newborn. He was laying in one with his legs strapped with elastic and his arms wrapped up in his shirt. He was going to town on his pacifier. They sterilized everything, gave him local anesthetic, and then used lots of metal clamps and contraptions and knives on my sweet little boy. He handled it like a champ, but I felt so sad for him. He didn't even know why, but he suddenly felt so much pain. I'm wondering now about making my next boy go through that.
When the doctor left, the nurse was cleaning him up. In typical Peter fashion, he pooped right there on the table in the middle of a diaper change. (Peter never starts going to the bathroom until you have the diaper off.) When he pooped, he popped open the incision and started bleeding everywhere. Another nurse came over and she got the bleeding stopped and him cleaned up. They wanted to watch it for ten minutes though, so they covered him all up again and swaddled him and gave him to me. I sat in one of their rocking chairs, rocked him and told him about the adventures we would go on in the next few weeks. He never cried, just sucked on his pacifier.
Super mom.
I was so glad I was there. There was another boy there whose mommy wasn't there, and he was so sad. I know that mommies can't be there for their kids every time, but I was glad I was there for Peter then.
My ward was terribly generous. Weeks before Peter's birth, I started to worry what I would do with little Heidi. At this time, I didn't know my mom would be in town. So I emailed the ladies in my ward, and so many wrote back saying, "This is when I'm free, go ahead and call with little to no advance warning!" I really could have given my babysitters more warning than I did; I knew a week ahead of time that I would be induced on July 11. I guess I just secretly hoped I would go into labor on my own.
Anyway, my friend Andrea organized all of my babysitters. We were covered for like 48 hours... such a blessing. I missed Heidi, though. And I was so worried that she would be wandering around the house saying, "Ma ma? Da da?" and wondering if she would ever see those two people she liked again.
She doesn't seem to have incurred long lasting damage. She loves Peter. When we brought him home, she was so happy to point at the baby and say "ba ba." We taught her how to rock his bassinet slowly and gently and how not to poke him in the eye. (She's not allowed to touch his head or his tummy, only his arms and legs.) She was only sad when we wouldn't let her play with him. So, Grandma Brison brought her a baby doll. "Mommy's baby, and Heidi's baby."
One time I went into her room after a nap and caught her standing on her baby's head. I'll have to watch those two closely...
But soon I was feeling so much better. It was scary and cold just like last time, but at least I could be comfortable without focusing all my energy on it.
One of my fears was going #2 right there in bed. I was afraid that I'd get up to go, and have the baby in the bathroom. Terrible outcome. The other option was to willfully go right there in bed. Equally terrible? YES!! But I ended up not having to worry... When my baby descended, he just kind of pushed it out for me... and it wasn't my fault so I didn't have to feel guilty. So there you go, ladies. If you feel it coming, you don't have to do anything. It'll just sort of come out eventually on its own. And they really are used to cleaning up that sort of thing. Apparently half of all women go #2 on the table. I did, so that's better odds for you.
You're welcome.
Anyway, at 5:00 the nurse checks me and I am complete! Such a happy feeling. She says she's going to get the doctor. (She had the room all ready for delivery hours ago, because, once again, I was supposed to have had a baby by 2:00.) With each contraction I felt the baby getting lower and lower. I was so concerned... I didn't know how far there was to go, and the baby was really low. Really really low. It was such an interesting feeling. I didn't feel Heidi descend, and there was a lot going on so I didn't even think about it. But I felt Peter descend. It was an interesting feeling, but also a very concerning feeling because it was just Bryan and me in the room.
Anyway, the doctor came and we got the baby here. One of the arguments for going natural is that the woman wants to have her baby in peace, joy, and harmony. In my opinion, I did, because of my epidural. I wasn't feeling too much peace, joy or harmony before it. I think if I had done my part better, I wouldn't have wanted an epidural. But I didn't, and so I did. I had a 2nd degree tear, and so when the doctor stitched me up and I didn't feel a thing. So happy about that.
I got an episiotomy with Heidi, and it was painful. I didn't sit down without my donut for three weeks. But the tear with Peter was so much less painful. I only wanted my donut during long car rides. This is not to say it's better to tear (although some do say that). It's impossible to know whether it is better to tear or be cut. But, my experience was that the tear was less painful. It's possible that the tear is healing less well than the cut... who knows. I want to stop talking about this.
I cut Peter's umbilical cord. It wasn't as epic as I thought it would be. I thought it would be kind of like holding Peter up on Pride Rock, showing him to the inhabitants of the world, which of course would all be present. I would hold him up, cut the cord, and say, "You're your own man now! No longer part of your mother, but your own person! Go forth, son!" and then I would let theme music play.
Nope. I just cut something.
The epic part was holding a squirmy, purple, gooey little person on my tummy and being so happy. During pregnancy, I envisioned a vague "baby" concept in there with a sort of pinkish hue and fuzzy edges. But out came a perfectly detailed, completely functioning, human man child.
While I was snuggling my gooey boy, I noticed I was leaking colostrum, so I started Peter nursing immediately. I felt like super mom. No one had to tell me how or what to do. The research suggests that immediate nursing is important and beneficial, and I did it! It was awesome. Peter got his colostrum those few days in the hospital, and he would nurse for 15 minutes every 3-4 hours. He had plenty of wet and messy diapers, and once again, I felt like super mom.
I healed up really quickly. They say the recovery for second babies is much easier, and I found that to be true. When Heidi was born, I made Bryan get up and get me things that were just across the room. If Bryan wasn't there, I would call in a nurse for similar errands. When I went home, I was really embarrassed about that, and I decided that I would get everything myself next time. And I did. I kept my room tidy, I put my own DVD in, I filled up my own water bottle, and I packed up my own things when I was ready to go. Super mom.
I didn't escape the Week One of Breastfeeding "joys," though. Even though I know how to get a baby to latch on, and I know the consequences of letting the baby nurse on a bad latch, I still had very sore nipples. Afterbirth pains were pretty terrible as well. Apparently after pains are worse with second and subsequent babies. I think keeping up with my pain medication would have helped. When I was allowed to take more painkillers, I wouldn't right away because I didn't need any then. But then Peter would get hungry, and I would get so sad.
I feel like I'm whining, by telling you all the things that hurt. And I feel like I'm making you worry unnecessarily by communicating that WHEN YOU GIVE BIRTH YOU WILL FEEL PAIN! Hypnobabies would not approve. In my opinion, it is much easier to go through these things than think about going through them or hear about going through them. So, no worries for you.
But Hypnobabies would still not approve. We were supposed to use different words. "Pressure" or "discomfort" instead of pain. You're never supposed to talk about pain. We said "birthing wave" or "pressure wave" instead of "contraction" and "in my birthing time" instead of "in labor." I have given up on that, just because it was always awkward, but now it won't help me any more. It helped me think more positively before the birth and before my next birth, I'll start using those words again. Until then, I'll use normal words.
We had Peter circumcised, just because we thought that was the normal option. It was a terrible, terrible procedure. So nasty.
Peter was all ready when I got there. They have these little plastic molds, just the size of a newborn. He was laying in one with his legs strapped with elastic and his arms wrapped up in his shirt. He was going to town on his pacifier. They sterilized everything, gave him local anesthetic, and then used lots of metal clamps and contraptions and knives on my sweet little boy. He handled it like a champ, but I felt so sad for him. He didn't even know why, but he suddenly felt so much pain. I'm wondering now about making my next boy go through that.
When the doctor left, the nurse was cleaning him up. In typical Peter fashion, he pooped right there on the table in the middle of a diaper change. (Peter never starts going to the bathroom until you have the diaper off.) When he pooped, he popped open the incision and started bleeding everywhere. Another nurse came over and she got the bleeding stopped and him cleaned up. They wanted to watch it for ten minutes though, so they covered him all up again and swaddled him and gave him to me. I sat in one of their rocking chairs, rocked him and told him about the adventures we would go on in the next few weeks. He never cried, just sucked on his pacifier.
Super mom.
I was so glad I was there. There was another boy there whose mommy wasn't there, and he was so sad. I know that mommies can't be there for their kids every time, but I was glad I was there for Peter then.
My ward was terribly generous. Weeks before Peter's birth, I started to worry what I would do with little Heidi. At this time, I didn't know my mom would be in town. So I emailed the ladies in my ward, and so many wrote back saying, "This is when I'm free, go ahead and call with little to no advance warning!" I really could have given my babysitters more warning than I did; I knew a week ahead of time that I would be induced on July 11. I guess I just secretly hoped I would go into labor on my own.
Anyway, my friend Andrea organized all of my babysitters. We were covered for like 48 hours... such a blessing. I missed Heidi, though. And I was so worried that she would be wandering around the house saying, "Ma ma? Da da?" and wondering if she would ever see those two people she liked again.
She doesn't seem to have incurred long lasting damage. She loves Peter. When we brought him home, she was so happy to point at the baby and say "ba ba." We taught her how to rock his bassinet slowly and gently and how not to poke him in the eye. (She's not allowed to touch his head or his tummy, only his arms and legs.) She was only sad when we wouldn't let her play with him. So, Grandma Brison brought her a baby doll. "Mommy's baby, and Heidi's baby."
One time I went into her room after a nap and caught her standing on her baby's head. I'll have to watch those two closely...
